I feel like I'm in dance class right now
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
