i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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