I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
