hell yes lets make some ravioli
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
