i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
