I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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