the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize