My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
