***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
