I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
