if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
