just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize