Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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