Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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