the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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