why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
