This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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