i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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