i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
