1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
