Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
