Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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