reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
