I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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