Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize