Only a mothe r could love this liver
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
The air taste purple.
Randomize
