Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
