ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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