Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It's just like the Real World with babies
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
