i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
so let's talk penis.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
