You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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