Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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