please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
