i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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