Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
