I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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