Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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