not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
