dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
