i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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