if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
