she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
you're hired as official boob wrangler
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
