He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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