I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
