STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
