I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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