i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
