I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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