What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
