uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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