Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he shaved USA in his pubs
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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