So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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