I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
