You don't have asthma, your pregnant
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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