There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
