Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We left the knife in your bed.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
