He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
