I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
