Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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