Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
