I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
