He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
barbara walters just said penis...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
