I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
there is puke in my bra ... again
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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