You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
