you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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