I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
