You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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