I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
as a side note pls kill me
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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