last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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