do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
