I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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