I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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