Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Dear god my vagina.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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