If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
