It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
