the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
