Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize