No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
me + whiskey = a bad person
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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