My hand turned me down
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
