I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
