I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
