The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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