its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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