i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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