My vagina just recognized that song.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
