you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
