its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
