I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
