We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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