i can't believe i had my finger in that
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
