another moral hangover. fuck.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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