There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
