this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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