when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
im calling her cock vulture from now on
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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