TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
