I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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