Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i think i just lost a toe
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize