I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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