I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
