I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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