I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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