dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
