i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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