you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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