Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
