I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
