did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
