If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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