If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
