12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
