are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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