You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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