Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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