i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
