when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
